Dr. Smak is the queen of the outrageous patient calls, including the following:

Please write letter on letterhead stating that patient is unable to do work of any kind for 3, 6, or 12 months.

Call and leave message on machine when complete. Patient will be gone all day hunting.

Here's my 'did-they-really-say-that?' phone message of the day:

Patient is having a lot of stress with her kids and her health. She would like to check into a Health & Wellness Center for 2 weeks. 'A place where I can be monitored and relax.' Advise.